Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sext me about skeletons
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
