going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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