What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
