idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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