K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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