She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
