Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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