I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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