It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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