saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
