Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
