I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
