i don't plan on having that self control this summer
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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