He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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