I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
