I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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