I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize