All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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