You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
