I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
