The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
