i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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