You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
