bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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