Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Randomize
