Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
