You really coming over, don't trick.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
