I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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