you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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