I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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