i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
