The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
