also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize