I hate all girls vehemently.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I understand Curling. That high.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm determined to sit on that face.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
