I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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