I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
