Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
