you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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