Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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