i need an iv and a liver transplant
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
