Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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