i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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