Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We had to coat check the pizza.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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