Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
