I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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