i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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