so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
