So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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