Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
