I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
