I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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