hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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