careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
