All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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