i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
