I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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