can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize