so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
