I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
