sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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