The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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