The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
A+ Viking dick
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
