Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
