He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
