And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
