Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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