i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
