There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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