I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
