the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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