I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
