no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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