Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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