Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
