Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
and she was petting her beer can
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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