shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
