Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
