she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
