the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
