If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
do herpes really smell.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
