oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
