You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We have started to decorate penises.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
