I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
