You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
God, I missed his penis.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
