I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
There are leaves in my underwear?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
