Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
