I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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