It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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