drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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