you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
