did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
