4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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