I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
organizing the empties. That sober.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
